| Platinum | I AM THE DUDE NOW | Collect all of the other trophies. | 5.7% Very Rare | 141 pts |
| Gold | TINDER | Find all enemy codex entries. | 6.2% Very Rare | 67 pts |
| Gold | DREAM WITHIN A DREAM, WITHIN A DREAM | Find all location codex entries. | 6.8% Very Rare | 63 pts |
| Gold | PREMATURE EVACUATOR | Finish any level below the speedrun threshold. | 7.7% Very Rare | 59 pts |
| Gold | SECOND AMENDMENT | Find all weapon codex entries. | 8.4% Very Rare | 56 pts |
| Silver | IT'S WEDNESDAY MY DUDES | Find a certain secret on wednesday, my dude. | 8.8% Very Rare | 41 pts |
| Bronze | HE'S NOT A REAL BOY | Make Tesloborgelion's boy parts wet. | 9.9% Very Rare | 25 pts |
| Silver | I WANT TO BELIVE | Find the third installment. | 10.3% Rare | 37 pts |
| Gold | NO CURE | Kill the big bad RONA without using the vaccine. | 11.7% Rare | 46 pts |
| Silver | IT'S NOT WEDNESDAY MY DUDES | Find a certain secret not on wednesday. | 12.8% Rare | 32 pts |
| Bronze | TAKE THE BLUE PILL | Kill 5 hostiles with quick pillz powerup active. | 16.5% Rare | 19 pts |
| Bronze | NO, U | Reflect 10 projectiles. | 19.1% Rare | 17 pts |
| Gold | THIRD IMPACT | Kill Tesloborgelion. | 20.8% Uncommon | 32 pts |
| Silver | WELCOME TO THE COLONY | Kill a certain group of hostiles in the forest. | 21.6% Uncommon | 24 pts |
| Gold | TRYHARD | Get 100% on any of the levels. | 25% Uncommon | 29 pts |
| Silver | THE CURE | Kill the big bad RONA. | 26.5% Uncommon | 21 pts |
| Bronze | IT'S BIGGER WHEN IT'S WARM | Freeze at least 5 hostiles with the yellow stream. | 26.7% Uncommon | 14 pts |
| Bronze | I AM CONFUS | Confuse at least 5 hostiles with the yellow stream. | 33.1% Uncommon | 12 pts |
| Bronze | GYM ENTHUSIAST | Kill 5 hostiles with steroids powerup active. | 41% Common | 11 pts |
| Silver | I AM THE MANAGER | Kill Karen. | 41.9% Common | 16 pts |
| Bronze | RELOADING! | Use an ammo box. | 43.5% Common | 10 pts |
| Silver | MUSIC SOOTHES THE SAVAGE BEAST | Kill a certain group of hostiles in the neighbourhood. | 43.6% Common | 16 pts |
| Bronze | IT BURNS | Burn at least 5 hostiles with the yellow stream. | 48.1% Common | 10 pts |
| Bronze | DOUBLE THE EXCITEMENT | Kill 5 hostiles with akimbo powerup active. | 48.8% Common | 10 pts |
| Bronze | PSPSPSPSPS | Pet a cat. | 55.4% Common | 9 pts |
| Bronze | DAMAGE CONTROL | Restore health with a certain item. | 65% Common | 8 pts |
| Bronze | GOD SAVE THE DUDE | Use portable armor. | 72.6% Common | 8 pts |