| Platinum | I AM THE DUDE NOW | Collect all of the other trophies. | 2.3% Ultra Rare | 243 pts |
| Gold | TINDER | Find all enemy codex entries. | 2.6% Ultra Rare | 113 pts |
| Gold | DREAM WITHIN A DREAM, WITHIN A DREAM | Find all location codex entries. | 2.9% Ultra Rare | 106 pts |
| Gold | SECOND AMENDMENT | Find all weapon codex entries. | 3.8% Ultra Rare | 90 pts |
| Gold | PREMATURE EVACUATOR | Finish any level below the speedrun threshold. | 4% Ultra Rare | 87 pts |
| Silver | IT'S WEDNESDAY MY DUDES | Find a certain secret on wednesday, my dude. | 4.3% Ultra Rare | 63 pts |
| Bronze | HE'S NOT A REAL BOY | Make Tesloborgelion's boy parts wet | 5% Very Rare | 38 pts |
| Silver | I WANT TO BELIVE | Find the third installment. | 5.3% Very Rare | 55 pts |
| Gold | NO CURE | Kill the big bad RONA without using the vaccine. | 6% Very Rare | 68 pts |
| Silver | IT'S NOT WEDNESDAY MY DUDES | Find a certain secret not on wednesday. | 7.5% Very Rare | 45 pts |
| Bronze | TAKE THE BLUE PILL | Kill 5 hostiles with quick pillz powerup active. | 10.7% Rare | 24 pts |
| Bronze | NO, U | Reflect 10 projectiles. | 12.4% Rare | 22 pts |
| Gold | THIRD IMPACT | Kill Tesloborgelion. | 13.3% Rare | 42 pts |
| Silver | WELCOME TO THE COLONY | Kill a certain group of hostiles in the forest. | 13.5% Rare | 31 pts |
| Gold | TRYHARD | Get 100% on any of the levels. | 16.3% Rare | 37 pts |
| Silver | THE CURE | Kill the big bad RONA. | 17.7% Rare | 27 pts |
| Bronze | IT'S BIGGER WHEN IT'S WARM | Freeze at least 5 hostiles with the yellow stream | 20.5% Uncommon | 16 pts |
| Bronze | I AM CONFUS | Confuse at least 5 hostiles with the yellow stream | 24.3% Uncommon | 15 pts |
| Bronze | GYM ENTHUSIAST | Kill 5 hostiles with steroids powerup active. | 30.7% Uncommon | 13 pts |
| Silver | I AM THE MANAGER | Kill Karen. | 31.7% Uncommon | 19 pts |
| Bronze | RELOADING! | Use an ammo box. | 32% Uncommon | 13 pts |
| Silver | MUSIC SOOTHES THE SAVAGE BEAST | Kill a certain group of hostiles in the neighbourhood. | 35.7% Uncommon | 18 pts |
| Bronze | DOUBLE THE EXCITEMENT | Kill 5 hostiles with akimbo powerup active. | 39.7% Uncommon | 11 pts |
| Bronze | IT BURNS | Burn at least 5 hostiles with the yellow stream | 41.2% Common | 11 pts |
| Bronze | PSPSPSPSPS | Pet a cat. | 47.2% Common | 10 pts |
| Bronze | DAMAGE CONTROL | Restore health with a certain item | 57% Common | 9 pts |
| Bronze | GOD SAVE THE DUDE | Use portable armor. | 66.6% Common | 8 pts |