| Platinum | We Knew You Could Do It | Collect all trophies | 6.2% Very Rare | 134 pts |
| Silver | Beat a Winner | Beat someone with a rating of Unicorn in an online game | 6.8% Very Rare | 47 pts |
| Silver | Back Taxes | Win all prizes in Episodes 1-73 | 6.9% Very Rare | 47 pts |
| Bronze | Always a Bridesmaid | Come in second place 5 times in online games | 7.3% Very Rare | 30 pts |
| Bronze | Menage-a-Quatre | Play a 4-player game online | 8% Very Rare | 29 pts |
| Gold | Unicorn | Achieve the highest gamer rating. | 8.2% Very Rare | 57 pts |
| Bronze | Slack Attack | Get -$1 million on a Jack Attack. | 8.3% Very Rare | 28 pts |
| Bronze | Lose to a Loser | Lose an online game to someone with a rating at or below Dullard. | 8.6% Very Rare | 28 pts |
| Silver | One Teat Short of An Udder | Achieve the second highest rating. | 8.7% Very Rare | 41 pts |
| Bronze | Mouth-Breather | Achieve the third highest rating | 9.6% Very Rare | 26 pts |
| Silver | Vidiot Savant | Get every question right in an episode | 9.9% Very Rare | 38 pts |
| Gold | Perfect Attendance | Play Episodes 1-73 | 10.1% Rare | 50 pts |
| Bronze | Social Outcast | Finish 5 single player games on Friday or Saturday nights. | 10.7% Rare | 24 pts |
| Bronze | Turncoat | Play on July 4th instead of celebrating America | 10.7% Rare | 24 pts |
| Gold | 1,000,000aire! | Earn $1,000,000 lifetime points | 10.8% Rare | 48 pts |
| Bronze | Discovered Gauntlet of Fire | Find the very important gauntlet of fire | 12.5% Rare | 22 pts |
| Silver | DisOrDash | Ace a DisOrDat in under 10 seconds. | 12.6% Rare | 33 pts |
| Silver | Consolation Trophy | Play 5 hours without getting a single trophy. | 13% Rare | 32 pts |
| Silver | Jack Attack Dog | Get all 7 Jack Attack questions correct in a multiplayer game without messing up | 14.1% Rare | 31 pts |
| Silver | 500,000aire! | Earn $500,000 lifetime. | 15.4% Rare | 29 pts |
| Bronze | Enscrewsiast | Screw 50 times | 15.5% Rare | 19 pts |
| Bronze | The Game's Half Empty | Play Episodes 1-37 | 16.7% Rare | 18 pts |
| Bronze | The Game's Half Full | Play Episodes 1-36 | 17.1% Rare | 18 pts |
| Bronze | Film In Your Brain | Get 10 movie questions correct. | 22.2% Uncommon | 16 pts |
| Bronze | Phatty | Get 10 food questions correct. | 26.1% Uncommon | 14 pts |
| Bronze | Beast Master | Get 10 animal questions correct. | 30.6% Uncommon | 13 pts |
| Bronze | 100,000aire! | Earn $100,000 lifetime | 34.1% Uncommon | 12 pts |
| Silver | Virtual Virgin | Answer correctly after being screwed 5 times | 34.5% Uncommon | 18 pts |
| Bronze | Smelt the Roses | Get a multiple choice question right in the last 1 second. | 34.6% Uncommon | 12 pts |
| Bronze | Living in the Past | Get 10 history questions correct. | 37.7% Uncommon | 11 pts |
| Bronze | Quick-Draw McDumbass | Choose the wrong answer within the first 3 seconds 10 times. | 40.1% Common | 11 pts |
| Bronze | Overconsumer | Listen to all commercials after one episode | 44% Common | 10 pts |
| Bronze | DisOrDat Destroyer | Answer all 7 DisOrDat items correctly | 46.8% Common | 10 pts |
| Bronze | Great Crowd | Laugh at an easy joke | 47.2% Common | 10 pts |
| Silver | Genius for a Day | Score at least $30,000 above your average. | 54.3% Common | 14 pts |
| Silver | Taking it from Behind | Come in from behind to win during the Jack Attack | 67% Common | 12 pts |
| Bronze | My First Time | Screw someone for the first time | 71.5% Common | 8 pts |
| Bronze | Button Banger | Get a multiple choice question right in the first 2 seconds | 74.7% Common | 8 pts |
| Bronze | Birth Certificate | Create a Contestant | 85.3% Common | 7 pts |
| Bronze | It's Just More of This | Finish an episode | 90.7% Common | 7 pts |
| Bronze | DisOrDat Participation Award | Complete DisOrDat in 30 seconds. | 92% Common | 7 pts |