| Bronze | ALL CAPS OR NO CAPS | until next time. | 0.1% Ultra Rare | 374 pts |
| Bronze | ONE VERY FULL COMBO | technically if it was one big full combo that'd mean full comboing all the songs with no breaks. we're not making you do that | 0.2% Ultra Rare | 247 pts |
| Bronze | I KNOW WHAT KIND OF PERSON YOU ARE | okay at some point patience has to stop being a virtue | 0.5% Ultra Rare | 142 pts |
| Bronze | A GAME WHERE MUSIC IS ILLEGAL AND YOU FOLLOW THE LAW | Rhythm is life. It's inherent to being human. That's why playing this minigame feels like eating razors | 0.6% Ultra Rare | 128 pts |
| Bronze | I HONESTLY DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY ABOUT STARS | You've hit a 10.0 STAR rating. I'm done talking about stars now | 1% Ultra Rare | 94 pts |
| Bronze | [white label] | remarked | 1% Ultra Rare | 94 pts |
| Bronze | please change your offset | either something is very wrong or you are REALLY good at playing the game badly on purpose | 1.4% Ultra Rare | 77 pts |
| Bronze | WE CAN PRETEND THAT JUST DIDN'T HAPPEN | sewer? i hardly kn | 1.5% Ultra Rare | 74 pts |
| Bronze | I'm sorry. I lied to you. UNBEATABLE is not the only rhythm game | there are actually many rhythm games | 1.5% Ultra Rare | 74 pts |
| Bronze | DEAD BALL | Survived a ghost encounter. I'm so, so sorry if you already did this in the demo. | 2.1% Ultra Rare | 60 pts |
| Bronze | THE STUFF HAVER | look. i have to ship these achievement names and descriptions right now. YOU try coming up with these | 2.7% Ultra Rare | 52 pts |
| Bronze | WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT | pulling pranks on the spirit of the law by following the letter of the law | 3.3% Ultra Rare | 46 pts |
| Bronze | ROPE BURN | This is probably the scariest thing that happens in the game | 3.4% Ultra Rare | 45 pts |
| Bronze | OKAY FINE. SURE. HERE. | it's like the 0451 of codes you type in a video game | 3.5% Ultra Rare | 44 pts |
| Bronze | CRITICAL BASS THEORY | YOU GET THIS FOR BEATING TEN SONGS WITH CRIT MODE ON. I'M SORRY FOR THE NAME OF THIS ACHIEVEMENT AND I'M SORRY FOR YELLING. | 3.5% Ultra Rare | 44 pts |
| Bronze | IT'S ALL SHE TAUGHT ME | nostalgia. bitters. demerara. | 4.5% Ultra Rare | 38 pts |
| Bronze | ONE MORE BEGINNING | lost family found | 4.6% Ultra Rare | 38 pts |
| Bronze | THIS IS KIND OF JUST A GAME ABOUT ACCIDENTALLY BECOMING A BABYSITTER | local child utterly DESTROYED by insane ability to count up one by one | 5.4% Very Rare | 34 pts |
| Bronze | SHE GETS DISTRACTED EASILY, DOESN'T SHE? | honestly, if i'm playing a video game, and there's a minigame in the video game, i WILL spend all my time just doing that | 5.9% Very Rare | 32 pts |
| Bronze | :( | this is for breaking a lot of 100+ combo chains. don't feel too bad. it'll happen to everyone who plays the game enough | 6.6% Very Rare | 30 pts |
| Bronze | FREE AS IN WHATEVER THIS IS | no point to the game. you just walk around, jumping | 6.7% Very Rare | 30 pts |
| Bronze | IT'S RJ'S FAULT BARTENDING IS EVEN IN THE GAME | "'you look a little bar tense' - andrew tsai" - rj lake | 7.6% Very Rare | 28 pts |
| Bronze | AM...AM I BEING HUSTLED | if you keep abusing no fail mode i WILL take it away from you | 8.1% Very Rare | 27 pts |
| Bronze | AND I'M NOT EVEN AWAKE | past the morning every day | 8.8% Very Rare | 25 pts |
| Bronze | DID YOU KNOW EVERY STAR YOU SEE IN THE NIGHT SKY IS BRIGHTER THAN OUR SUN | You've hit a 5.0 STAR rating. That was the first thing that came up when I searched "cool facts about stars" | 10.1% Rare | 23 pts |
| Bronze | ARCADE FLAWLESS | people like to say that you can fail a million times but you only have to succeed once. i like succeeding more than once, myself | 10.9% Rare | 22 pts |
| Bronze | I BET YOU CAN'T GUESS WHAT MY FIRST NAME FOR THIS ACHIEVEMENT WAS | okay fine. you got it first try. it WAS "posting through it." | 11.2% Rare | 22 pts |
| Bronze | STALLING. | I thought I'd think she'd be taller. | 15.3% Rare | 18 pts |
| Bronze | MAYBE ACTUALLY QUIT YOUR DAY JOB | it's funny, because usually people dream of quitting bartending to do music, but in this case, the opposite is true | 18.1% Rare | 17 pts |
| Bronze | Be nice. | Be NICE. | 18.1% Rare | 17 pts |
| Bronze | STAR...t | You've hit a 1.0 STAR rating. Keep going! Maybe I should look up some cool facts about stars to help me write these achievements | 26.6% Uncommon | 13 pts |
| Bronze | I am so proud of you! | though seeing it written back like that it kind of sounds like i'm being sarcastic. i'm not! good job! | 36% Uncommon | 11 pts |
| Bronze | PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT PERFECT GREAT PERFECT | combo unbreaker | 38.2% Uncommon | 11 pts |
| Bronze | LET'S GO FOR SIX | you're supposed to get this for playing five songs but i guess you could also just play the same song five times | 41% Common | 10 pts |
| Bronze | WAIT. IS THE ARCADE MODE NON-CANON | this game claims that music is illegal, yet it encourages the playing of music. that's just bad design | 59.5% Common | 8 pts |
| Bronze | Yes, there's release timing. | Sorry. | 72.2% Common | 7 pts |
| Bronze | SOUND CHECK | everything is normal | 90.2% Common | 6 pts |